Quick answer: I didn't set out to go all gray — it happened during three years of infertility treatments when dyeing my hair every week stopped feeling healthy. I let my natural gray grow out, cut it into a bob to make the transition manageable, and at 40 I've genuinely learned to embrace it. Going gray in your 30s feels like a bigger deal than it really is.
Key takeaways
- I first noticed a gray stripe around 32 and fully committed to growing it out at 38–39, in September 2015.
- Years of box dye turned my hair brassy and darker than my natural chocolate brown — I couldn't keep going back.
- A great cut (I went to a bob) made the awkward grow-out phase far more manageable than long, dyed hair.
- New gray hair has a coarser, wirier texture, so it needs extra moisture and a little styling to look intentional.
- Purple shampoo keeps the gray from looking brassy or yellow — mine luckily comes in white, not yellow.
Hey ladies, welcome back. So many of you asked me to share my gray hair journey, and honestly, it's not a dramatic before-and-after — it's a slow, real transition that I stumbled into and eventually fell in love with. Here's exactly how it happened, what I'd tell you if you're thinking about going gray too, and how I care for it now.
Why Did I Start Going Gray in My 30s?
I never planned to go all gray. If you've followed my second channel, you know I went through infertility treatments for about three years, and it got to the point where dyeing my hair every two weeks — then almost every week — just didn't feel healthy anymore. So I decided to see what would happen.
I'd actually had a gray stripe for a while. I started seeing it around 32 and really let it grow in at 35. My natural color isn't black — it's more of a chocolate brown — but I'd started coloring it myself, and one box dye turned into going darker and darker until there was no going back. Whenever I dyed over the gray it turned this brassy, reddish-brown color that looked terrible, so I finally thought: I'm just going to let it come out.
By September 2015, when I was 38 or 39, there was so much gray that I committed. I researched on YouTube and Pinterest and barely found anyone my age doing it. Everyone told me I'd look old. Mentally you try to prepare — but seeing that much white for the first time is still a shock. I decided I couldn't be the only woman in her 30s going gray, so I embraced it.
How I Embraced the Grow-Out and the Big Chop
Cutting my hair was the thing that made all of this work. My hair was really long, and I couldn't stand having it that dark with so much gray pushing through, so I found a great stylist and went to a bob. What you're seeing is about ten months of growing it out — I honestly expected it to be all gray by now, but there's still a lot of dark on top, with the underneath coming in very gray in a different, wiry texture that sometimes makes my hair look fuller.
People ask all the time if I highlighted it. Nope — I'm basically a reverse ombre. My husband joked that it's "geriatric in the front, party in the back," and we didn't talk for a bit after that, but you truly do need a sense of humor with this. I thought about going super short, like a Sharon Stone crop, but I wanted to keep some of the dark to help me through the transition.
If you're going to go gray, my honest advice is this:
- Stop dyeing your hair and let it grow out — don't fight it.
- Get a cut you love. A bob or shorter is so much more manageable than long dyed hair.
- Keep it styled rather than pulled back. When my hair is back it reads much grayer, so a defined style helps the gray-and-dark mix look intentional, not messy.
- Ask your stylist about lowlights if it ever looks too stark — reverse highlights can add softness.
I did ask whether they could pull the dark out faster, but my stylist said stripping it would turn it orange and wreck my hair. So I left it alone and let it come in on its own time.
How Do I Care for Gray Hair?
I keep my routine really simple. Every so often I wash with a purple shampoo, which keeps the gray from looking brassy or yellow. Beyond that I use a hydrating, oil-based shampoo because gray hair needs the extra moisture — the texture genuinely changes and gets coarser as it comes in.
Sometimes I'll use a flat iron or curl it a little, mostly to blend the whiter sections so they read more like a soft highlight than a hard stripe. That's really it. No complicated system — just moisture, the occasional purple shampoo, and a good cut. (As always, if you have scalp sensitivities, patch-test any new hair product and check with your stylist or a professional before making big changes.)
What Going Gray Taught Me About Embracing Beauty
Some days I'm completely at peace with it, and some days I catch my reflection and think, why are you so white? It's a bit of a roller coaster. But it fits the philosophy I've held forever: embrace your beauty, whatever that looks like. Freckles, a scar, a birthmark — gray hair just happens to be the chapter I'm in now.
It's not always fun being gray in your 30s, but at 40 I really do embrace it. It's what my body wants to do, and I'd rather work with it than fight it every week. If there's one thing I hope you take from my story, it's to love yourself for the differences you never expected.
The bottom line
Going gray naturally isn't a single dramatic moment — it's patience, a great haircut, a little moisture, and a lot of self-compassion. If my journey nudges you to stop fighting your hair and embrace what's yours, that's a win. And if you want to play up a fresh, glowy complexion to complement silver or salt-and-pepper hair, browse our best sellers, our cream blush for a healthy flush, and the rest of our face essentials.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why did Nikol decide to stop dyeing her hair and go gray?
During three years of infertility treatments, coloring her hair every week or two stopped feeling healthy. Her box dye had also turned brassy and unmanageable, going darker than her natural chocolate brown. Rather than keep fighting it, she chose to let her natural gray grow out and embrace the change.
At what age did she start going gray?
Nikol first noticed a gray stripe around age 32 and let it grow in at 35. By September 2015, when she was 38 to 39, she was seeing so much gray that she committed to growing it out fully. She now embraces it at 40.
How do you manage the awkward gray grow-out phase?
A good cut makes the biggest difference. Nikol found a skilled stylist and went to a bob, which felt far more manageable than long dyed hair. Keeping a defined style, rather than a quick ponytail, helps the mix of gray and dark hair look intentional instead of unkempt.
What does purple shampoo do for gray hair?
Purple shampoo helps neutralize brassy or yellow tones so gray and white hair stays bright and cool. Nikol uses it occasionally, along with a hydrating, oil-based shampoo, because new gray hair often has a coarser, wirier texture that needs extra moisture to stay soft.
Can a colorist strip out the remaining dark hair to speed things up?
Nikol asked, but her stylist advised against it — stripping the dark dye could turn it orange and damage the hair. Instead, if the gray ever looks too stark, lowlights or reverse highlights can add softness and depth without going back to all-over color.
What is Nikol's biggest advice for anyone thinking about going gray?
Give yourself grace and a sense of humor. Going gray in your 30s can feel like a bigger deal than it is. Stop dyeing, get a cut you love, and treat it like any other feature worth embracing — the way you would freckles, a scar, or a birthmark.
