Quick answer: I almost did not make this video. I spent hours filming a Sunday Edit that did not land, missed my deadline with my editors, and briefly wondered why I started the series at all. The honest answer is that I am burnt out. So this episode is about protecting your energy and not forcing things that are not flowing — plus the books, the analog planning, and the morning writing practice I am using as a mid-year reset.
Key takeaways
- Not forcing it is the lesson. When something genuinely is not flowing, pushing harder is not the answer. That applies to content, to work, and to most things.
- Running on empty has a bill. I am fairly certain my high glucose reading came from my nervous system rather than from anything I ate.
- Comparison makes progress feel like a letdown. If the standard of success keeps moving, nothing you finish will feel like enough.
- Concentration is what we are all losing. Everything pings, everything scrolls, and the brain gets used to the dopamine. That is not the life I want, so I have to design a different one.
- Honesty is why this channel exists. I am not a pretend person, and I do not want to be a channel where everything looks perfect.
Welcome back to the Sunday Edit. I want to be straightforward with you: this is not going to be a peppy one, and I thought about not filming it at all.
I spent hours and hours this week filming a Sunday Edit and it just did not land. Something was off. I missed my deadline with my editors and told them I would film and edit it myself, and then I thought — maybe I should not even film it. Maybe I should not be doing the Sunday Edit at all. Why did I start this?
Then I remembered. I wanted a real community with you. Something other than makeup, other than always teaching.
Why am I burnt out?
We are halfway through the year and I have been pushing extremely hard on certain projects.
I think there is a misconception about what I actually do. I do not just make content and flit around all day. I run a company. I have had this line since 2009, and I touch everything about the product — I source all the components, I write all the copy, I work with my designers, I do all of the artwork with them. There are an enormous number of decisions to make, constantly.
And I have learned that if I do not ride a project extremely hard, it will not hit its deadline. There is too much that can go wrong: pushback, shipping issues, component issues. So I ride them, and some weeks I genuinely feel beat up — by how meetings have gone, by all of it.
I have never said that out loud in a video before.
Why not just post something cheerful instead?
Because I do not think it is normal to only show up when you are up and cheerful.
I remember acquaintances in my early twenties who seemed always happy, where everything was always great, and I could not relate to it at all. I felt like I had all the drama and shared everything going on in my life. I did not think that version was real, and I still do not.
I do not want to be a channel you watch and think everything is perfect. That is not how I grew this audience in the first place — I grew it by being open, including about my IVF experience. I am not a pretend person. If you know me, you know that is true. I do not sugarcoat it. It is what it is.
What is the pressure on creators actually like?
Part of what has worn me down is the pace. I sit down to make something and immediately think: I need more jump cuts. Retention is falling. People get bored. You are critiqued on everything and judged by your drop-off rate.
Everything moves so fast now, and with the AI situation on top of it there is no time to think. It feels like people are being programmed to expect an instant answer, and if your video is not fast enough nobody watches.
Honestly, I cannot do it anymore. It is not a pace I can actually live at.
So I suppose my Sunday Edit this week is about protecting your energy and not forcing yourself to do things that simply are not working.
Which books are helping?
I have always looked to books to get me out of a particular mindset.
- The Mountain Is You, which is about self-sabotage. I read it twice because I got so much out of it, and the second read gave me as much as the first. If you are in a real funk and want one self-help book, that is the one.
- The Gap and the Gain, which I found by asking ChatGPT what I should read next — it knows all my content drama by now. My copy is water-warped because I kept taking it to the pool.
The core idea of The Gap and the Gain is that comparison turns any progress into a disappointment, because the standard you are measuring against keeps moving out ahead of you. Nothing you accomplish registers as enough. That described exactly how I had been feeling.
The book also suggests telling people about the concept so they can call you out. I read excerpts aloud to my husband at the pool, which was a tactical error, because now he tells me when I am in the gap. I got annoyed and stopped reading him passages — though he is not wrong, and getting out of the gap is why I bought the book.
What does industry ageism have to do with it?
Layer the creator comparison on top of something else: management teams telling me I am too old, that the gray hair is a problem, that they do not have space for me, that they do not have clients or brands for me.
That puts me straight back in my modeling days. I was in that industry hardcore, with Ford Models, working around the world, so I know exactly what it feels like to have your value chipped away in a world built around twenty-year-olds.
I have already done that. I do not want anything to do with that mindset in my fifties, and it is genuinely easy to slip back into it.
What does the mid-year reset actually look like?
Concrete things, not vibes.
- Analog planning. I am very analog — I only use computer calendars for business and Zooms. I have been working out which paper planner suits me, and I bought a habit tracker that has not arrived yet.
- Morning pages. I am working through The Artist's Way, a 90-day program for getting creatively unblocked. Every morning you handwrite three pages of stream of consciousness. You do not read it back, you do not edit it, and spelling does not matter. You just put everything on paper.
- Making the page inviting. I write in a Japanese grid notebook, which has made my handwriting far smaller than I knew it could go. I put translucent rose stickers down first so the page feels inspiring before I start.
- A time-blocking clock. I set it for thirty or forty-five minutes and write until the buzzer, with my phone nowhere near me — even on silent, it is still there.
- Less social media. I cannot watch TikTok and Instagram. Too much information coming at me at once and I do not do well with it. The Artist's Way makes the point that creative people are more sensitive to that kind of consumption, and that it depletes you and takes your creativity with it.
All of this connects to my second book, which is why I have honed in on planning specifically. And I want to be more well read and more interesting, which is genuinely hard with this many distractions. Concentration is what I think most of us are losing — the brain gets accustomed to the constant dopamine hit. That is not the life I want, and I have to design the life I want.
What happens when you run yourself into the ground?
Your body sends the bill. I want to talk about this plainly because I think a lot of women are doing what I was doing.
I wore a glucose monitor, as I mentioned before, and my high readings were not from food or alcohol. They tracked my stress levels — my nervous system, and pushing myself while running on empty. I do not think that is healthy or sustainable, and I think it is exactly how people crash and end up with a stack of health issues.
Then there was my eye. One morning I saw flashes in my right eye, which had never happened, followed by a blurry floater sitting right in the middle of my vision. When I had it dilated in Boston, the ophthalmologist found no retinal tear and no detachment, which was the important thing. He told me it was age — the gel in the eye clumps and reads like cobwebs — and that there was nothing to be done. I have just turned 50 and suddenly everything is being attributed to my age, which I find hard to simply accept. I am looking into other approaches and I asked my doctor about one at my follow-up; he had not heard of it. My broader point is that you have to be your own advocate, which I already knew.
And there is a small irony: my hands have flared badly since starting the morning pages — on fire at two or three in the morning. I have had trouble on and off since 2020, when I was folding hundreds of boxes a day, and I have long assumed twenty years of esthetician work hunched over clients with tweezers would eventually catch up with me. My doctor says it is not carpal tunnel. I suspect something in my neck plus something in my wrist. My hairdresser has exactly the same thing, presumably from years with her arms up holding a blow dryer.
So the reset is partly about protecting my body rather than stressing it into more problems.
The bottom line
What has piled up is what made this week's filming impossible, and then I start spiraling about it. So I came on here to tell you the real version.
My takeaway is that I need to put less pressure on myself and flow with things more. Come back to myself. Go internal rather than external.
Maybe you are feeling the same. Maybe you are a caretaker, or a mother, or moving through a season where you genuinely do not know where to pick up the sticks. You are not alone, and I think it matters to say so honestly even when it is not what people expect. My next Sunday Edit will probably be very different — and if you want the episodes that came before it, start with the permission slip nobody will give you after 50 and the one on why we feel like we have to keep up.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why did Nikol almost not film this Sunday Edit?
She spent hours filming an episode that did not land, missed her deadline with her editors, and questioned whether to continue the series at all. Rather than force a version that felt wrong, she recorded an honest conversation about being burnt out instead.
What does Nikol actually do besides YouTube?
She runs Nikol Beauty, which she has had since 2009. She sources the components, writes the copy, and works directly with her designers on all the artwork — she describes touching everything about the product, with a constant volume of decisions behind it.
What is the idea behind The Gap and the Gain?
That comparison turns progress into disappointment, because the standard you measure yourself against keeps moving ahead of you, so nothing you accomplish feels sufficient. The book also encourages telling others about the concept so they can point out when you have slipped into comparing.
What are morning pages?
A practice from The Artist's Way, a 90-day program for getting creatively unblocked. Each morning you handwrite three pages of stream of consciousness. You do not read it back, edit it, or worry about spelling — the point is simply getting everything onto paper.
Why is Nikol limiting social media?
Because the volume of information coming at her at once does not suit her, and she cannot watch TikTok or Instagram without feeling depleted. The Artist's Way argues that creative people are especially sensitive to heavy consumption and that it erodes their creativity.
What did Nikol learn from wearing a glucose monitor?
That her high readings were not driven by food or alcohol but tracked her stress levels — her nervous system and the habit of pushing while running on empty. She views it as evidence that the pace was not sustainable, and as part of why she is resetting.
How does Nikol deal with ageism in the beauty industry?
By refusing to re-enter that mindset. Management teams have told her she is too old and that her gray hair is a problem, which echoes her modeling years with Ford Models. Having already lived inside an industry that chipped away at her value, she is unwilling to go back to it in her fifties.
